Did you ever have just "one-of-those days?"
The thing is it didn't start out that way. I spent the first part of the morning washing clothes and cleaning house--a little. Then I spent the afternoon with my niece at the playground. Kudo's to the park Director for the the sandbox!
Then we came back home and had lunch. I dropped her off at my Mom's house and headed back home. All well and good.
So, I'm checking my email and a very important message came through; one I had been waiting for with "baited" breath. Is that even the correct spelling and usage?
I digress.
The email was from a Director I auditioned for and received a callback from for, TITUS ANDRONICUS.
Now I have been dying to do this show for the longest time.
Of course I'm thinking it must be destiny.
I initially read for "Aaron." The one and only role for a person of color. The Director was impressed or so I thought because I ended up getting a callback.
I put myself in "theatre mode."
I read the play...again. I watched the movie--the Julie Tamor version---INCREDIBLE!
I studied my sides again and again. I ended up receiving sides for two other roles---so, I'm thinking, okay--non-traditional casting. Good for you Mr. Director.
I read with three different actresses. Three different roles. The Director practically "shot-a-load" in his pants from my audtion. HE WAS GUSHING!
Then he made a comment, "You were wonderful in Master Harold and the boys." (i did the show back in 2007 for another theatre company.)
"Where have you been since then?"
DAMN!!!
Now the thing about this question is that it pisses me off....ROYALLY!!!
It's highly insensitive and invasive.
Here's the dilemma....telling a potential employer, casting director, director or ANYONE you've just met that you are HIV+ ain't a cool or easy thing. And trying to explain all that goes along with that diagnosis is even more difficult.
Depression, Night Sweats, Anxiety, Isolation...to name just a few. These aren't the kinds of things people want to hear when they are trying to hire someone.
"Hi, I'm James. I'm going to do a monologue from (insert play) and by the way, I've been HIV+ for 20years."
wtf??
come on people. USE YOUR FRIGGIN HEADS. THINK!
All during the audition I'm thinking he likes me. Likes my work. He's going to hire me.
Obviously, you know what happened.
I ended up not being cast. WTF?
This may sound very paranoid but I think I was the victim of gossip.
I've performed on stage with 100 degree fevers. HIV- related Fevers. People always assumed I was nursing some hangover or something else possibly.
I would do what I needed to do onstage and whenever I was off I'd sit backstage wiping sweat from my brows and guzzling as much water as possible.
I don't know--maybe I am paranoid.
It was an incredible audition. I just don't understand.
Don't get me wrong. I've auditioned and not been cast and been okay with the decision.
What's interesting to me is that I can go to New York and get cast in a heart beat. I just can't afford the move. I no spring chicken so the things I used to do, ie: crashing on the floor, sleeping on a couch that sinks.....I'm to old now. No way.
Philadelphia Theatre is incredibly biased. that's all I can think of...it's got to be.
