Ramblings…..

Regret. What is it exactly?

I don’t want to start a really deep conversation, but what is it about regret that gets us so fucked up?

Huh. I really want to know.

Is it the guilt we feel for things not done?

Is it the guilt we feel for things we shouldn’t have done?

Is it a combination of the two?

Two pigs in a trough don’t complain so why should I.

No I am not comparing myself to Swine, but truth be told, if a couple of pigs can roll around in the mud with the greatest-of-ease, then why the hell can’t I find joy in my life.

I’m human after all. That should count for something.

Why can’t I find the pleasure in simply being?

…because just being is no existence.

Wow. That was deep…..not.

Working Title...."Infected Dreams"......

Setting: A Dance/Reheasal Studio. Time: Early Evening




Scene 1



 Enter James. Early 40's. Actor. Carrying his "signature" backpack. Drops bag and goes through. Pulls out sheets of stapled paper. The script for the show in rehearsal. Grabs his Gatorade.



James: (restless) O.K., let's see what'cha got??


He moves around the stage going through various warm-ups. Checking his script and going over his memorization.


James: My brother, my brother...what do you fear? No!...what do You fear? Fear. Feeear. WHAT. DO. YOU. FEAR?!!...

My brother.? Brotha' !! Wazzz up my brotha'? Why am I doing this?



Out of No Where we hear a "Voice." (Alternative--an Actor dressed in black and always over James' shoulder.) His inner being. Free. Independent. All the things he thinks he isn't on the outside.



VoiceOutofNowhere: Because you promised him...and a promise is a promise.


James: I know but -- wait-a-minute...GOD?!


VoiceOutofNowhere: No, you jackass. I'm your conscience. Your betta' half, If I don't say so myself. And I'm telling you to get a move on. Get your ass in gear and learn those muthafuckin' lines BI-ATCH!!


James: Alright, alright!


Moves around the stage. Rolls shoulders. Takes center stage. Breathes in/out.


James: "My brother, my brother. What do you fear? Your sweet lips touch places that cause hellfire sensations....


Begins doing ballet movements while working on speech


James: (continues speech) "...too many things. Between your legs.....


VOoNW: What...??? What are you doing?


James: I...am...learning...my...lines. "...you stand in antici--pation waiting to re-discover the....


Changes to Modern dance


James: "...the source of SELF loathing. And SELF get his life...


VOoNW: Do I look like I was born yesterday???


James: (melodramatic) "...from fruit still for..." No. You look like me. And I'M learning these lines my way. Time to break the rules Jimmy-Boy. Fuck Tradition!


VOoNW: OMG! Did you just say....


James: Yes I did! Fuck It. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck Tradition. Now, I distract myself as to "release any inhibitions I may be feeling at this moment in time. I AM AN ACTOR!


Silence


VOoNW: Uh, whatever!


Noises heard offstage


VoiceOutofNowhere: Somebody's coming you better chill.!


James stops doing the ballet and returns to working on the monologue. Enter Male. James tries to act normal.

 James: ...Your sweet lips touch places that cause...(surprised).....Hey!

A step in the right direction…? We hope.

So I did it. My very first film. Well I don’t know if film is the right word. More like 5th grade video project…but hey, I did it!

The following video came from an experience I had at an audition and seemed to be carried over to subsequent auditions for different projects. What are the odds?

So it got me thinking…