Brown Skin, a VideoPoem. Written and Performed by James Tolbert III

Brown Skin

by James Tolbert III

Brown Skin, Oh my Brown Skin

You brought me to Huey

You made me think of Malcolm

You define intelligence

You epitomize blackness.

Eager I was to be a part,

Wakened you did this lonely heart,

Violins play with each letter of your name

In your presence I feel no shame.

Years of Self Hatred, Self Inficted,

Society dictates, We conform to the best o our abilities,

Living positively in a negative World,

Being Positive in an ignorant World.

I can only define who I am,

I can only be who I am,

I chose to live,

Live life fully, uninhibited with such Joy,

Laughing, playing...

My Dreams are not Infected,

I stand my ground.

I make or break the shots,

Nothing can bring me down.

I hold within me the Secrets of Success.

As I sit and Ponder,

I look out and see trees talking,

Their soothing language lends harmony to the birds.

I jogged to the center of this great expanse,

Timidly I knelt down.

There was a beautiful Red Rose beginning to bloom.

My Spirit re-newed,

I reluctantly trudged back the way I came,

With the happiness of a giddy child,

I jumped and skipped and began to fly.

My Feet were running in the air,

Then I thought....

I never loved since last I loved you,

It's been years since last I saw you,

It seems like ages since last I held you,

And yet the scent of you still lingers.

Sometimes it's the smallest thing

That brings me back to you,

Trips I don't mind making

It's to you that I travel to...

If I were to go away tomorrow

I could walk with my head held high,

Knowing that I loved,

Knowing I was loved.

We had some moments that seemed so hard,

We had some moments that seemed so right.

I close my eyes,

Feel your warmth,

Taste your lips,

Hear your heartbeat, and know,

You were real and not a Dream.....

Ah had't a Dre'm!

Part of a series of monologues....
A man reflects on a dream from the night before...

When your dealt Lemons....

44 years, 3 months and 22 days before I turn 45. Officially marking 21+ years living with HIV.

What have I learned?

1) Life goes on.....Let go of the nonsense. All the heartache and pain you felt will continue to bring you sadness if you don't let it all go. Easier said than done, but nonetheless, in the long run, it's much better for you.

2) Surround yourself with people who will elevate your "living experience"......Why in the world would you want to continue with negativity and narrow-mindness. People are people with a God-Given right to free will.
We may not agree with one another on certain issues but every experience whether considered good or bad, will make you stronger, if you take the time and try to understand what the lesson is all about.

3) Look to yourself for answers. Don't just follow the crowd....To often we allow outside influences control our day to day living. Do YOU. That's all there is to it.

4)Keep an open mind....a stubborn person is only detrimental to themselves. By not keeping an open-mind you are more than likely to miss out on some incredible experience that may open doors for you. Those Doors may lead you to a place you never thought possible.

5)Learn to practice what you preach.....You can not be of any assistance to anyone if you are not living the life you so profoundly want to live. Do as you Do as you would want others to Do.

6)Live your Life......In order to have a Life you've got to start living it. Open the curtains, open the windows, listen to the sounds of all that comes your way. Inspiration comes in all forms. Get out and Get Inspired.

7)Never forget where you were......If you forget where you were and who you were you want be able to see just how far you've come and where you can go.

8)No that you are not alone....So many of us think that we are the only ones going through this "situation." 9 times out of 10, you are not the only one feeling this way.

9)Love....Be open to it. It comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, ethnicities, modes of expression. An open heart leads to an open mind. You really can't have one without the other.

10) Know yourself.....What do you like? Dislike? What is your opinion on an "issue?" Always have an opinion about something. Don't be afraid to express it. Remember your opinion is just as important as another persons'. Live in the Truth
 .

Stand Up Against HIV

This is a video I put together to encourage people to get tested for HIV.

Ramblings…..

Regret. What is it exactly?

I don’t want to start a really deep conversation, but what is it about regret that gets us so fucked up?

Huh. I really want to know.

Is it the guilt we feel for things not done?

Is it the guilt we feel for things we shouldn’t have done?

Is it a combination of the two?

Two pigs in a trough don’t complain so why should I.

No I am not comparing myself to Swine, but truth be told, if a couple of pigs can roll around in the mud with the greatest-of-ease, then why the hell can’t I find joy in my life.

I’m human after all. That should count for something.

Why can’t I find the pleasure in simply being?

…because just being is no existence.

Wow. That was deep…..not.

Working Title...."Infected Dreams"......

Setting: A Dance/Reheasal Studio. Time: Early Evening




Scene 1



 Enter James. Early 40's. Actor. Carrying his "signature" backpack. Drops bag and goes through. Pulls out sheets of stapled paper. The script for the show in rehearsal. Grabs his Gatorade.



James: (restless) O.K., let's see what'cha got??


He moves around the stage going through various warm-ups. Checking his script and going over his memorization.


James: My brother, my brother...what do you fear? No!...what do You fear? Fear. Feeear. WHAT. DO. YOU. FEAR?!!...

My brother.? Brotha' !! Wazzz up my brotha'? Why am I doing this?



Out of No Where we hear a "Voice." (Alternative--an Actor dressed in black and always over James' shoulder.) His inner being. Free. Independent. All the things he thinks he isn't on the outside.



VoiceOutofNowhere: Because you promised him...and a promise is a promise.


James: I know but -- wait-a-minute...GOD?!


VoiceOutofNowhere: No, you jackass. I'm your conscience. Your betta' half, If I don't say so myself. And I'm telling you to get a move on. Get your ass in gear and learn those muthafuckin' lines BI-ATCH!!


James: Alright, alright!


Moves around the stage. Rolls shoulders. Takes center stage. Breathes in/out.


James: "My brother, my brother. What do you fear? Your sweet lips touch places that cause hellfire sensations....


Begins doing ballet movements while working on speech


James: (continues speech) "...too many things. Between your legs.....


VOoNW: What...??? What are you doing?


James: I...am...learning...my...lines. "...you stand in antici--pation waiting to re-discover the....


Changes to Modern dance


James: "...the source of SELF loathing. And SELF get his life...


VOoNW: Do I look like I was born yesterday???


James: (melodramatic) "...from fruit still for..." No. You look like me. And I'M learning these lines my way. Time to break the rules Jimmy-Boy. Fuck Tradition!


VOoNW: OMG! Did you just say....


James: Yes I did! Fuck It. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck Tradition. Now, I distract myself as to "release any inhibitions I may be feeling at this moment in time. I AM AN ACTOR!


Silence


VOoNW: Uh, whatever!


Noises heard offstage


VoiceOutofNowhere: Somebody's coming you better chill.!


James stops doing the ballet and returns to working on the monologue. Enter Male. James tries to act normal.

 James: ...Your sweet lips touch places that cause...(surprised).....Hey!

A step in the right direction…? We hope.

So I did it. My very first film. Well I don’t know if film is the right word. More like 5th grade video project…but hey, I did it!

The following video came from an experience I had at an audition and seemed to be carried over to subsequent auditions for different projects. What are the odds?

So it got me thinking…