Flashbacks of a Fool

A mirror and a flourescent light
Are all I need to see the Truth.
The Eyes tell it all.

I am a slave to myself.
Running and Hiding.

It' raining right now, hard.
All I want to do, is run outside, stand in the middle of the street,
And spin, spin, spin...so dizzy.

Gone is Self Hatred
Gone is Dis-gust
Gone is Dis-ease

Loneliness was a friend of mine...
Gone for someone else.

For the last couple of months I've been "letting go." Letting go of old pictures, memories. Things that have no real bearing in my life. When I released those memories, trashing most, passing on a few, a weight was lifted. I felt a little taller. It made me realize that I was holding on to these "things" for the sake of "holding onto". If that makes any sense. Truth be said, the true memories are already ingrained in my head. And I can "memory recall" for any moment in my life....so the material substances, truly have no place in this New Life of mine.
That's what it is all about...not keeping and storing and salvaging all these THINGS. I think of Jesus sometimes when I'm feeling gluttonous and in that "I need", "I want", mood. WWJD? Funny, I thought that was some "catchy" hip phrase being used to impress. That's the cynic in me.....smdh. ha.

Original Art Work by James Tolbert III

Brown Skin, a VideoPoem. Written and Performed by James Tolbert III

Brown Skin

by James Tolbert III

Brown Skin, Oh my Brown Skin

You brought me to Huey

You made me think of Malcolm

You define intelligence

You epitomize blackness.

Eager I was to be a part,

Wakened you did this lonely heart,

Violins play with each letter of your name

In your presence I feel no shame.

Years of Self Hatred, Self Inficted,

Society dictates, We conform to the best o our abilities,

Living positively in a negative World,

Being Positive in an ignorant World.

I can only define who I am,

I can only be who I am,

I chose to live,

Live life fully, uninhibited with such Joy,

Laughing, playing...

My Dreams are not Infected,

I stand my ground.

I make or break the shots,

Nothing can bring me down.

I hold within me the Secrets of Success.

As I sit and Ponder,

I look out and see trees talking,

Their soothing language lends harmony to the birds.

I jogged to the center of this great expanse,

Timidly I knelt down.

There was a beautiful Red Rose beginning to bloom.

My Spirit re-newed,

I reluctantly trudged back the way I came,

With the happiness of a giddy child,

I jumped and skipped and began to fly.

My Feet were running in the air,

Then I thought....

I never loved since last I loved you,

It's been years since last I saw you,

It seems like ages since last I held you,

And yet the scent of you still lingers.

Sometimes it's the smallest thing

That brings me back to you,

Trips I don't mind making

It's to you that I travel to...

If I were to go away tomorrow

I could walk with my head held high,

Knowing that I loved,

Knowing I was loved.

We had some moments that seemed so hard,

We had some moments that seemed so right.

I close my eyes,

Feel your warmth,

Taste your lips,

Hear your heartbeat, and know,

You were real and not a Dream.....

Ah had't a Dre'm!

Part of a series of monologues....
A man reflects on a dream from the night before...

When your dealt Lemons....

44 years, 3 months and 22 days before I turn 45. Officially marking 21+ years living with HIV.

What have I learned?

1) Life goes on.....Let go of the nonsense. All the heartache and pain you felt will continue to bring you sadness if you don't let it all go. Easier said than done, but nonetheless, in the long run, it's much better for you.

2) Surround yourself with people who will elevate your "living experience"......Why in the world would you want to continue with negativity and narrow-mindness. People are people with a God-Given right to free will.
We may not agree with one another on certain issues but every experience whether considered good or bad, will make you stronger, if you take the time and try to understand what the lesson is all about.

3) Look to yourself for answers. Don't just follow the crowd....To often we allow outside influences control our day to day living. Do YOU. That's all there is to it.

4)Keep an open mind....a stubborn person is only detrimental to themselves. By not keeping an open-mind you are more than likely to miss out on some incredible experience that may open doors for you. Those Doors may lead you to a place you never thought possible.

5)Learn to practice what you preach.....You can not be of any assistance to anyone if you are not living the life you so profoundly want to live. Do as you Do as you would want others to Do.

6)Live your Life......In order to have a Life you've got to start living it. Open the curtains, open the windows, listen to the sounds of all that comes your way. Inspiration comes in all forms. Get out and Get Inspired.

7)Never forget where you were......If you forget where you were and who you were you want be able to see just how far you've come and where you can go.

8)No that you are not alone....So many of us think that we are the only ones going through this "situation." 9 times out of 10, you are not the only one feeling this way.

9)Love....Be open to it. It comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, ethnicities, modes of expression. An open heart leads to an open mind. You really can't have one without the other.

10) Know yourself.....What do you like? Dislike? What is your opinion on an "issue?" Always have an opinion about something. Don't be afraid to express it. Remember your opinion is just as important as another persons'. Live in the Truth
 .

Stand Up Against HIV

This is a video I put together to encourage people to get tested for HIV.