Okay, Now I Get It!!!

So, this dream I had last night is still fresh in my mind and I think I'm beginning to understand....bear with me folks.


.....I haven't auditioned for a musical for a very long time and here's what the reason is.....
   I went to Europe with a production of the musical "HAIR" back in 1988/89. While over there I auditioned and was cast in the German production of Starlight Express.
Now, this production was under the direction of the original production team and their successors. These were and are still some of the top people in the business and the some of the major players and creative forces behind very successful West End Productions.
For me, it was a career HIGH!!
In '91, while doing Starlight, I rec'd my HIV diagnosis.
After that, EVERY show I was cast in was a constant reminder of that period of time. Of that day and of that afternoon meeting with the Doctors.
I lost my JOY for the Art.
I lost my JOY for singing.
I mean, truth be told, I had aLOT of work to do, to become a better singer, or better yet, a "good actor who can carry a tune"---insider (thank you Katie Green for that wonderful phrase)
But "Singing", which at the time I was doing in "musicals", left such a bad taste and feeling with me.
Don't get me wrong, I tried to "keep moving" and plugging in to what my job was...did other shows, but the "JOY" and FUN of musicals just wasn't there anymore, because of that day,
my "Will" or "Joy" was taken........
....but last week, I auditioned for a wrkshp production, don't even know the name, I just did it off the cuff.
After the events of the last few weeks, I needed to do something...just for me.
I was desparate to re-CLAIM that part of me....and I have...
After that auditon, which by the way, I PISSED all over that damn studio....NAILED the song..."mr. Cellophane" from Chicago...many of you, who know me, know the history of that show and that song with me....., asked me to read from the script for two characters....and smiled and shook my hand and made small talk with me after....
Since then, after I walked out of the building and headed home...I walked taller. Stronger. I've been happier than I have in a long time. And I really think that was the key for me. Making that connection. Wow. Very Cool. xoxo