I was once on this "get together." Date just isn't the right word...but after we had coffee and "tapas" and a drink, we returned to his car and while waiting for the car to warm up...I turned to him and said, "I'm going to kiss you now." Y'know, taking the bull by the horn, being pro-active. Well, if you could've seen the reaction on his face. His eyeballs grew so large I thought they were going to fall out. Then without even looking me in the eye, he said, "I think that would be...inappropriate."
INAPPROPRIATE???
What the fuck? Who says that??? A teacher to a student maybe...a normal reaction would be, "I'm not feeling that"...or "I'm not attracted to you.."....ANYTHING would've been better than, "inappropriate."
Do you realize how dirty I felt after that??
Unfortunately, it's something that still plays in my head. Not often, but often enough.
I haven't been able to let that go as of yet. Maybe, now I can....write Black Man, write.
The whole "dating" thing is a mystery. Single at 45. It's not the end of the World I know, but still, come on man....and self pleasuring is just a necessity every so often. It really doesn't have the same "OMG" as the two person version.
It's not about busting a nut...not now. In my 20's, fuck yeah. As much and as often as possible. I was always good "fuck" material. American, German, British, Australian. Black, White, Puerto Rican. Dutch. Even female at one point....a looooooong time ago. And if they had a husband/boyfriend that was into it...even better. Although, if there was a male with a female and we were all together....you better believe my attention was on him--but don't worry, she got the "good" stuff'in too...lol. I'm terrible. :)
---A Fuck Buddy. Weekend hookup....always the brides-maid and never the bride.
I have this fantasy--My Wedding Day: ...In a secluded meadow in the woods we are surrounded by beautiful, lush green trees. On the border of a lake with small isolated islands in the distance. I and my "partner for life" are dressed in off-white linen. We are surrounded by family and friends. There are birds in the background, cheerfully singing. A light breeze is in the air. We are happy. We look at each other, knowing we both have been searching for the other all our lives. Our hands embrace and we know we are one. Nothing can separate us. Words can never fully convey what our touch can do for each other. We are complete opposites in almost everything, but there's a mutual respect for who we are individually and an unflinching desire to be with each other for the rest of our natural lives. When we look into each others eyes, no words need explain, nor can explain, what we feel for each other. The person presiding over our nuptials says the words that will ceremonially bind us together. We kiss to seal the bond. And even though we have kissed many times, he still makes me weak at the knees. We embrace and kiss again. And again. And then, spurred on by the guests, we kiss again. Tears flow down our eyes and he kisses each one as they land on my cheek. I gladly return the gesture with an unbounded pride. This is MY man. I am his man. We have commited ourselves to each other and it is blessed and pure and beautiful. Instead of gifts we plant trees and flowers. We picnic with our family and friends and guests through early evening. Everyone is full of joy. One day maybe, not exactly as I've written, but he's out there, and we'll find each other. One day.....I feel it. I know it. And I can't wait to meet him......patience is the virtue and time the provider. All I can do, is make sure I'm ready.....and when I'm ready.....it's going to be fantastic.
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